roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
