He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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