I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize