That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
