: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just want to make out with him forever
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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