How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
