A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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