I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
