just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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