I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
