Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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