I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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