yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
