the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
