I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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