Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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