I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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