I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
