I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You can't just leave with hair like that
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
