my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
