He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
