can we get nightvision for the apartment?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
