There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Come on in and take your pants off
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
