Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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