you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
