she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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