She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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