Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
