I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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