TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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