Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Randomize
