I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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