i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
