If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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