I don't usually arrange sex via text message
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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