The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Still dying that you shit outside
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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