Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
