Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
