the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
There are leaves in my underwear?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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