How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
