I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
