Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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