I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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