Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
