I heard we made out
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
