apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
