He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize