Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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