Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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