i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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