Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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