ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
