Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
