Yo dont text me then not text me
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
