hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
