My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize