dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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