Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
