I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
