she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
