Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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