"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
