Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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