i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
