In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
