this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
barbara walters just said penis...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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