im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
it's great music for shaving your balls
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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