put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
