I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
