Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
