yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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