His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Randomize
