:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
