Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
