Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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