You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
