i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
