You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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