anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
