ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Randomize