Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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