Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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