on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
