yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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