Cold hands, warm shart.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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