It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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