my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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