All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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