Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
