Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just invented taco cereal.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
