Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
