oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
